Get your ow
n diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

12:01 a.m. - 2001-05-13
Crush
I have a crush...

It's not that a crush is always a bad thing. But for me, most times it is because I know that there's no way in hell that this person will ever want to be with me. That's just the way it seems to work out. This guy... I didn't want to like him THAT way. But I kinda do. It's one of those things that you do, but you really don't want to do it. Sort of like a bad habit. It's not a serious-SERIOUS crush. But serious enough where I would write ... or type about it in here. I would tell you said-crush's name, but, for my crush's sake, I will protect his identity.

I don't do well with guys usually. Because hardly anyone, male or female, ever talks to me. So, whenever a guy talks to me I'm all nervous and anxious, even if it's a guy that I don't have a crush on. And somehow, even with me not speaking to many people at all, I seem to like a lot of guys. But recently that hasn't been the case. I started thinking about my thinking about all these guys (all of whom I cannot have)...and realized that I was sorta taking away from "me." And what I mean by this is that I literally "programmed" my thoughts to think about a particular guy during any dull moment. I never knew, until now, that the programming was voluntary. It felt that it was beyond my control. So...now I'm thinking more about me. And though it may seem conceited or narcissistic or something like that, it's actually quite an emotionally healthy step forward.

 

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!