11:02 p.m. - 2001-07-09
Boring
Well, golly gee. I knew it all along. I've just discovered, or I should say rediscovered something about me. I hate talking to people online. I can't stand it. E-mails I don' t mind. I have time to think something to say, and I can wait 2 minutes, 2 hours, or 2 days until I reply. But chat rooms and instant messages, nuh-uh. Even if it's with someone I know, I'm just nervous... I feel like I'm on the spot or something. Call me old fashioned, but I like talking to people in person. Well, I'm not a very social person, BUT I'd rather talk to you face to face than online. I've never been a big fan of the phone either. There's always these "awkward pauses" that I am apparently unable to fill. I don't think that I'm a boring person. But then, I see everyone else, and their wonderful, exciting lives, and I look at my "schedule" and it shows me just how much excitement is in my life, or lack thereof. Boring ... maybe. Dull, hmmm. *scatches head* I don't think I'm dull. I think I'm very, very complex. And I also believe, and I believe for quite some time now, that I only appear boring because of my "situation." Most people at school think I'm think antisocial suicidal depressed chick, and they won't even talk to me. Why won't I change my demeanor, pray tell? That's a whole different entry entirely. I don't have my license yet, just a permit. I don't really have a car... My mom has 2, so I guess you could say I have a car. But there's nowhere to go, or no one to go with! I don't mind my life, it's just... I think people get this vibe from the slit-my-wrists-look I've got, and the no-friends thingy. Boring or dull. Whatever you want to call it... My life is far from it. You think you know, but you have no idea.
