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1:24 a.m. - 2001-07-16
Poop On A Stick
Well, isn't that just poop on a stick...

Okay. I don't know why I haven't typed about this earlier. Coz it happened a few weeks ago. But nonetheless, here we go. I met a guy online. Now, I'm a bit ambivalent on the online-relationship-thingy. On one hand, I think it's better to actually meet the person in person first. And on the other hand, I think that if one finds the right person, why limit oneself.... Anyway, I was talking to him for a bit, and we e-mailed back and forth. We had a lot in common. Not like music and movies, but like personality, and desires. So, I've come to conclusion that I am, in fact, doomed to be alone... Because this guy said that he's getting married. I mean, I wasn't looking for the serious relationship, but from the way we were talking it felt like it would have been more than a friendship. I mean... I've got nobody. No boyfriends. No crushes ... well, none serious. And no prospects. And when the one person, who I found myself trying to stop thinking about, is getting married!? It's a sign. It's a sign, I say. When my last pathetic attempted at having someone to say "good night" to, at having someone to hug and hold and kiss and love, at having SOMEONE ... fails. It creates this plague. A plague on my soul. No, a plague on my heart. And so it is. That I am doomed to think the worst, expect the worst, and even when things start to look sunny again, I have to know that things will never be sunny for me. It's always gloomy for Erica. Though, I know it's a bit dramatic to say that I'm "gloomy" now just from one little online tryst, that's me. I take everything to the tenth power. Maybe it's the natural paranoia, who knows? But, being the ambivalent person that I am, I try to feel good. Try to feel like this is what I wanted, because maybe on some level it is. Maybe I've been conned by the media, and the sickening couples in high school who grope each other in the halls, maybe I REALLY don't want a relationship. Then again, maybe I do. Talk about indecision. Well, just another long analysis of the mind of Erica.

I bid you adieu...

p.s. "poop on a stick" is designated as amy's phrase. i take no credit for p.o.a.s.

 

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