9:35 p.m. - 2001-07-23
I've got Direction
Direction.
I think I�ve got a little bit more direction in my life. I mean, I actually sat down and mentally made of list of the career paths that I wish to follow. And by doing, so I think I know what I want to be when I grow up. Yeah, I know I have a lot of time to do this, the choosing, but the sooner I choose, the better. There are 35 year olds out there who don�t even know what they want to do with their life, so they�re stuck in this dead-end miserable, piece of shit job that they don�t even like. In fact, they hate it. That�s why people go crazy in the workplace. It�s not just the post office. It�s every place where people go who don�t know what they want to do with their lives, and just keeping working their because they�re too damn lazy to do some soul-searching. Thinking their too old or something. Well, I don�t know about you, but I am certainly not going to be one of these poor folk. Uh-uh. Not me! Okay, on with it� I want to be a photographer. I think about the list of professions that I may or may not want to be, and to be honest most of them require a lot work. And major commitments on my part. Now, I�m not ready to do that. Writer. Yeah, that would be nice, but I�d like to be poet and I don�t see too many signs saying �POETS WANTED!!� anywhere. So, I�m thinking�no. There�s interior designer. Which, honestly, I have to say I would love to do that. But I don�t think I�m creative enough. Now, don�t get me wrong, I think my creativity is vast in its wonder and splendor. BUT, I don�t like to be creative to do something. I like to be creative because it makes me feel good. I like to things differently and uniquely because it�s fun for me. Now, if I were doing this and I HAD to do it, would it still offer the same amount of pleasure? It�s like one of those things where you�re doing something you love, and someone wants to pay you to do that, and then it�s not fun anymore.. It�s like, �for the money.� I don�t know� do you understand what I�m talking about? Anyway. Guidance counselor. I completely want to do this! My guidance counselor inspired me, at my high school. He was completely and utterly an asshole! He didn�t seem to care at all about me or my feelings or what was going on. It was all �THIS IS HIGH SCHOOL! DEAL WITH IT!!!� And I just can�t deal with that. Needless to say, I could SO be a good guidance counselor! I think I could empathize with the horrors of teenage hell. Hell, I�m going through it right now, how could I not? That profession is one that may be explored if I decide that photography is not right for me. Have I said that yet? Yes, I�ve chosen photography as my endeavor. I�ve always loved taking pictures. I just got like 8 rolls of film developed coz I just keep taking the pictures! As that guy in Can�t Hardly Wait said� �It�s all about the memories.� But I think it�s just something about the camera in my hand and the fact that this is HISTORY in the making. Freaky, bullshit, whatever you want to call it, that�s the way I feel. I wish I had a digital camera though. I have to pay extra just to get my pictures on a disk. And I don�t even have a job! Eek� One thing at a time, Erica. =/
