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8:51 p.m. - 2001-07-28
Boyfriend
I have a boyfriend ... sort of.

Well, it all started last Tuesday. An old friend from middle school, Charles, called me. Now, Charles and me were together back then for like a day, but it didn't work out. Anyway... We haven't talked in years, and he just asked me out. It was freaky. And I was debating with him. Like actually asking for a reason why. I think I would respond that way if anyone asked me out, but he's the player-one-night-stand-type guy. And I know how he is. So, I guess that's why I was so persistent to find a reason.

So, it's been not even a week and I'm freaking out. I feel so stupid now too. I'm complaining about being single and alone. And now I'm "with" someone and I'm still complaining. It's just that he makes me so nervous. Being on the phone with him, being around him. It's WEIRD. He tells me that he's "changed," but you know how men are. I can't help but think that this is all a joke, or some kind of ploy to get something from me. SOMETHING, if you know what I mean.

I know it's going to end. I feel it. I kind of want to just break up with him myself, but I'm addicted. I don't want to go into the details, but he is the sexiest person I've ever met in my entire life. And I just can't let go. Besides, it would just be easier on me if he broke up with me first. I don't want to be known as the "stupid bitch who never knew what she had when she had it." ... Or something to that effect.

I don't like writing about this, but it's taking up a lot of my time. The anxiety, the tension. It's so nerve-wracking. Will he call? Does he want to see me? Where the hell is my shoe? Okay, maybe not that last one, but it's stressful nonetheless. But it just seems too "typical-diary" to talk about boys. You know "typical-diary" --- Today I went to the mall. And Matt was there. And he was soooooo cute!!! --- I dread the thought of sounding this way. When I write in this diary ... or type in this diary, I want to express more of how I feel about what's happening to me than just what's happening to me.

I must be boring you. But, you made it this far!!! And we're done. Okay, um ... yeah.

 

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