10:04 p.m. - 08.20.2001
Marriage
Okay, so I went to wedding on Saturday with my aunt and two of my cousins. And there it was that I realized that I actually want to get married. Shit! I thought I was one of those people who just didn't want to be bothered with that whole matrimony thing. But ... yeah.
I thought about it for a while, and I realized that I don't need to get married. It's just something that I would like to happen. If it does, that's great. If not, that's fine too. I have my own dreams and aspirations that I am going to accomplish whether or not I have a husband. I want to travel. I want to adopt a daughter. I want to LIVE! And husband or no-husband, I will do these things.
I also realized that I would never, ever want a big wedding. First of all, I don't want it to be in a church at all because that would be too religious, and I'm agnostic ... so, yeah. Second, I hate being in front of a big group of people. You're telling me to walk down an aisle, SLOWLY, and then stand with my back to this huge crowd of people. AND you want me to wear a dress?! Are you insane?! No. NO. I hate wearing dresses and skirts. They're just really uncomfortable for me. If I were to have a big wedding (which would never happen) it would be completely casual. I would put on the invitations that it is CASUAL. That's right. I would walk down the aisle in jeans and a t-shirt. So, I probably won't let any of my family know that I'm getting married. I'll probably do it at the court house. It'll be nice too... Like one day, my boyfriend would say "You busy today?"
And I'd say "Not really, why?"
"You want to get married?"
"Oh! I do have a meeting at one o'clock, but after that, sure!"
I would love it if that's the way I got married. But to be completely and utterly frank with you, I don't think that I'm going to ever get married. I think that I'm just too different and too liberal for these guys out there today. I'm hoping to find someone that I can love at least. I never loved anyone. Never REALLY loved anyone. I been in relationships where I was under the impression that I was in love, but I was young and naive. I was also into the whole older guy thing for a minute, and I was with a 19-year-old when I was 14. I'm tired of bullshiting around. Maybe I'm being a bit too mature for a 17 year old, but hey, that's me! I'm a romantic at heart, and I hate to admit it. Yes, I shamefully adore the well-known "chick-flicks." And I'll cry at every last one. Sue me...
So, wherever you are young, weird, liberal guy... Here I am! Come and get me!
