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10:38 - 10.21.2001 Charles continues to call me, but only for one thing. And I can't help but think that maybe I should stop this. This whole thing. I mean, I say that I want to be in a relationship with someone. I say that I want someone to actually care about me. But I continue to pursue this purely physical relationship with Charles. I realize the possible repercussions that come with my actions, but my loneliness has taken a hold of me. It's nice to touch someone and be touched. It's nice to feel desired. Even if it's just physical and not emotional. I know that I like Josh, and that if me and him ever get together this whole thing with Charles has to end. Because I'm so not like that. But until then, I have nothing holding me back. And the longing is pushing me forward. Pushing me towards Charles.
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