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16:04 - 11.08.2001
Friendless
Hi. I'm Erica, but my friends call me... Oh, that's right. I don't have any friends.


So, I've been hanging out a lot with this one chick, Franziska. She's a foreign exchange student from Germany. She's really nice, and really funny too. And because she's SO nice, I started to think that she could be my friend. Not like a "friend" who you only talk to when you see them in the halls or if they end up in one of your classes. VERY rarely do I do things with people from school, outside of school. But Franziska has been over my house twice. I've been to her house a few times. We hung out at the mall a couple of time. Now, I know that this doesn't seem like much to the average teenager, but you've got to remember: this paranoid, psychotic, delusional chick from Milwaukee IS anything but average. And I really started to feel like we were becoming best friends. The only thing that's preventing us now really is her. I don't know. She's really nice and she can get along with just about anyone, so she has a lot of friends. I didn't think that I was high maintenance, but maybe I am.


My old best friend is gone. I would say ex-best friend, but she never did anything intentionally, at least I don't think she did, to sabotage the friendship. It just sort of faded away. We still talk, but I don't feel that closeness anymore. Why, pray tell? Because we hardly ever see each other, and when we talk on the phone it's only for like 10 minutes Or if I call her, she's never at home. And it does start to get wearing after the 10th time that you've called and she's not there. This was my best friend. She's only been over my house, in the 6 years that I've known her, about 3 or 4 times. I've been to her house twice. She's never spent the night over my house. (Actually, besides family no one has ever spent the night over my house except for my friend Marquita.) I've seen her maybe... 3 or 4 times within the past year. This is not a best-friendship. It's barely a friendship. Just barely. And with this old best friend, let's call her Eve, she never made an effort to stop the falling apart when it started to happen. We went to the same middle school, and now we're at different high schools. And when we were freshmen, it wasn't so bad. As time passed on, the gap widened, and I tried to talk to her about it, believe you me. But Eve would just change the subject or find some other way not to acknowledge what I said.


Maybe it's all because of her that I feel I have to have my real friends all to myself. Who knows? But I can say this: I don't have any friends. I hear people say this at school, and then they go hang out with a whole buncha people. Shit if you don't have friends! Okay, so maybe you hang out with them, but you don't know anyone who you can really talk to, maybe that is the case. But I don't have anyone. All I've got are hey-friends. We see each other in school, and we say "hey" and move on. I was once foolish to believe that a select few of these hey-friends could become real friends. Like an old hey-friend Amy, a really cool guy Mike, and this other chick "Monica." I guess maybe I'm just scared that Franziska will transition into the hey-friend state. And I don't want that to happen.


WANTED: BEST FRIEND!

Must be nice, friendly, and sweet.

Sense of humor is a must-have!!!

Shy and/or paranoid is preferred

 

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