17:57 - 01.09.2002
Still Coping
After the car accident, I had a lot of things running through my mind. I was unbelievably happy. Well, not exactly happy. More like grateful. I could have been seriously injured. I could be in a coma. I could have died. I could have died that day.
I just couldn't stop crying that night. For so many reasons.
Because I was mad at myself for not being a more defensive driver, a safer driver.
Because I understand how ungrateful I was about so many little things that I have that a lot of people don't.
Because I bitch and bitch about all of this little shit going on, when it doesn't fucking matter.
Because I wish I was a better person.
The hardest thing right now is getting used to not having a car. It's so hard. I was going to drive to school tomorrow because I have to stay after for a club meeting. "Oops... can't do that. You totaled the car, remember?" I had to plead with my aunt to pick me up from school tomorrow. Don't even think about mentioning public transportation to me. That shit costs money. Money that I don't have.
I shouldn't say that. The car might be totaled because the frame might have gotten fucked up in the accident. Insurance covers everything, so I'm not sweating it: the whole money issue. The whole "yellow lights now mean STOP" thing ... is still a heavy burden on me.
And some bitch at school today actually had the nerve to tell me that it was my fault. Granted, the law says I'm like 20% at fault just for being on the road, but she wasn't even there! How dare she! She kept saying "YOU hit him! It's your fault!" Did she have a license? No. The police officer believed it was the other guy's fault as well.
...still coping.
