15:28 - 02.16.2002
My Aunt
I know you probably don't want to read this entry, 'cause it's just a lot of bitchin' but I gotta get this out of my system.
I spent last night over my aunt's house because my mom had a date. I hate my aunt. Well, not hate. At least not all the time. She's such a judgmental hypocrite, and it's really hard for me to be around her and not get into an argument.
First of all, her son (my cousin), Isaiah. Ten years old. She lets him get away with anything. I get along with my cousin sometimes; I really do. But sometimes he'll start doing something to annoy me, like kicking me or something. So, I smack him one. She gets mad at me. My aunt gets upset with me. And even when I don't smack him, and I'll say to her "Will you please tell Isaiah to stop?" She'll either do nothing or very nonchalantly say "Isaiah, stop." And of course he doesn't.
Another thing is the house. She lives in an apartment. She's been in apartments for some time now. (She's 50 years old by the way. That's right fifty years old! She prefers that I say fifty years young, so I just say half of a century...) So, she's in an apartment. Wants to buy a house. She always talking, talking, talking about a stupid house. "By next year, I'll be in my house." Granted, she's got a good, reliable job, but she's got a son. A son that she just can't say no to, ever. I swear, shopping with them is so embarrassing! Isaiah's always in the toy aisle, no matter what store it is. We could go into Home Depot or something. He can find something. "Mom! You have to buy this!" She always say no at first, but Isaiah knows better. And then later it's "Okay, just one toy!" A few minutes go by ... "Okay, just these 18 toys!" It irks me. She talks about her stupid house, and she's buying toys for him all the time. And it's not like little Matchbox Cars every now and again. It's like every fucking day, every fucking store, twenty fucking million toys. His room looks like shit coz he's got toys everywhere.
Don't get me started on the perverseness of their living situation. Now, I'm not a mother. I don't baby-sit often, so maybe I'm getting this wrong. But I just feel that a ten year-old boy should be sleeping in his own bed, yes? He sleeps in the same bed as his mother. Sick. Just sick. He has a room. He has a bed in their. Who sleeps in it? Good question. His friends. When his friends stay over, they sleep in his bed. Ten years old, folks. Ten. Call me crazy, but when you were in fifth grade, were you sleeping with your parents every night? Dear god, I hope not.
I told her I didn't love her once. She got mad. She was all "After everything I've done for you..." You know something? I don't really care that you took care of me when I was little. I don't give a fuck how much shit you buy me. When you put me down, when anyone puts me down. Or makes me feel bad about myself, I can't even like you. I have extremely low self-esteem. I'm in high school, and that doesn't help. The last thing I need is more people who make me feel like shit. I don't want to go into the specifics of what she does to make me feel that way, but let's just say it's bad. And it never gets better.
I know. I could go on and on forever. And nothing will ever change.
But I do feel a lot better having gotten all of that off my chest.
