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6:42 p.m. - 03.05.2002
Immature
One of the things I realized at this conference was that one of my friends, Marquita, is incredibly immature.

Well, I already knew it somewhat, I just couldn't pinpoint the immaturity. Marquita's problem is that she blows everything out of proportion, but only if you do something, even a little thing, to piss her off.

During the conference, I let her use my purse since I wasn't using it. I asked her to put my keys in there. Later that night I asked her if she had my keys. She said no, that they weren't in the purse. I replied, (and I distinctively remember that I replied without the slightest bit of animosity in my voice) -- "Well, I don't remember you giving them back to me." Let me ask you something, dear reader. Your friend, FRIEND, lost something. She thought you had it last, and doesn't remember you returning the item. What would you do? Wouldn't you say something along the lines of "Well, where did you have it last?" Granted, it seems like a stupid question to ask at first. But if the person did NOT backtrack, then asking that question could help them out a lot. And had Marquita asked that question instead of replying with some shitty attitude-y answer, I might have found them earlier. Her reply went a little like this -- "I don't have your fucking keys, Erica!!!"

This was just an example of all her bitchy comments she's been making to me all weekend. The killing part was that I thought for a moment that it was my fault. That I was being a bit of a bitch and that was causing her to act like a bitch. And I apologized to her. I apologized. Big mistake, Erica. That bitch acted like I was reciting the fucking preamble of the Constitution. I'm not a big fan when it comes to apologizing, because often I don't feel that I'm wrong (or I'm not willing to admit it). So, when she just stood there like she couldn't care less, it made me want to hate her. Loathe her. Damn near kill her. No kind of I-accept-your-appology speech. Nothing.

That's when I had this epiphany about my so-called friend. Everything I said to her was analyzed from her perspective as saying it with an attitude. Nothing was taken at face value.

You know something kinda funny. I have this other friend, Xa. He's hilarious. Funny, fun to hang out with. He's always having a good time, no matter where he is. He doesn't take anything to seriously. And here's Marquita: always takes everything seriously. Yet somehow, Xa is a much more mature person than she is.

I'm kind of boggled about what to do now. Should I stop talking to her completely, or not? I don't want to continue talking to her like before because I'd constantly feel like I have to mask what I say so that she doesn't take it the wrong way. That's too much work. Friendship takes work; this I know. But if I'm afraid to make a joke or say something that even in the slightest way disagrees with something she's said, then that's not a friendship. I don't know what that is.

 

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