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7:03 a.m. - 05.29.2002
The Girl who's always in 2nd place
Hello.

Yeah. So Dre was just going back to Iowa for the weekend. Last night he said that he had told me before he left, but I don't remember that.

I was really distraught last night after I got off the phone with him. He says that he still wants to do things ... that a boyfriend and a girlfriend would do. But he doesn't want to be with me.

It's so frustrating. I've never been in something real. Though in a desert of loneliness, the mirage of a relationship always presents itself. And disappears just as fast.

I wasn't really with Tremain. We never went out or anything. We just talked on the phone a lot, and sometimes he would come over my house. Charles... Let's not even go there. The thing with Dre lasted only a week. And this thing with Tim is freaking me out even more.

I'm sick of being the girl that guys go to when they can't find anyone else. I feel like ... 2nd place. I feel like a loser. I'm sick of guys pretending that they like me to get what they want. I'm tired of falling for that. Being slapped in the face over and over again by the harsh reality that no guy could ever want to be with me.

Sorry for the pessimism. But it's too early to be cheery.

 

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