1:01 a.m. - 08.15.2002
Thinking About Martin
All day today, I was thinking about Martin.
And how even though we didn't have much in common, he was still really sweet at times.
I thought about the Fourth of July. Lying there with him.
When I was single in high school, I would get so lonely. I would cry at night just desperately wishing that someone could be attracted to me, could love me, could just hold me. And that's how it was with Martin.
I think the main reason getting over him in the beginning seemed so easy, was because there was another guy right there.
And I didn't think it was just because that guy broke up with me. I didn't think that that was the reason I was having all the reminiscent feelings about Martin. But maybe it is. Maybe it's not, who knows...
All I know is that when I was lying with him underneath the fireworks, going out with him, making love to him, talking to him on the phone, I had never felt so loved, so special than I had ever felt before.
