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8:23 p.m. - 04.25.2003
Dealing with Social Anxiety
I'm not a drinker. But lately, if there's a situation where I have to go in public, I'll drink to ease my anxiety.

I recently went with Julia to get her nipples pierced, and had a few drinks before I went.

As I saw the first needle slide through her left nipple, my stomach turned. I went to the bathroom to recuperate. And after I left it was like seeing that caused instant sobriety.

I walked out of the bathroom, and saw a few random people. A girl getting a tattoo, someone watching t.v., people just sitting down. It was fine before, but I had to get out of there.

After that, we just had to go out somewhere else: a crowded coffee joint.

The only available seat was right next to someone else's table. I can't stand sitting so close to someone else. I heard a couple of girls laugh, and I want to cry. I couldn't stand it. I know they weren't laughing at me, now. But when I was there it's like everyone's looking at me, everyone's laughing. Everyone notices.

So I guess I shouldn't use alcohol to relieve my anxiety. But I'm too anxious to see anyone to get any other kind of solution.

 

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