12:30 a.m. - 07.30.2002
I Broke Up With Martin ... what now?
Tonight I broke up with Martin.
It was very difficult. People complain about other people breaking up with them. But it's not easy on the other end either. Unless you're completely heartless. But I'm not. I felt so horrible.
I didn't want to do it, but I had to. There's too many differences between him and I.
I don't want to have kids of my own. I don't want to change my last name if I get married. I don't even know if I want to get married to anyone. I like the pretty cars. I don't give a shit who makes them. And I want to get my eyebrow pierced without the worry that my boyfriend will hate it and break up with me.
Honestly, I knew it would come eventually. I just didn't think it would have to come so quickly. But I thought that if I kept going out with him, I'd keep sacrificing my beliefs. I'd start to keep quiet about things that I shouldn't be afraid to speak out about. I'd slowly change into a different person. A person I don't want to be.
I'm liberal. I am. I'm all for same sex marriages. Hell, I have quite a few friends who are gay and bi. I don't want to be a house wife. Ever.
I felt unbelievably numb after we hung up. Thinking: what now?
So someone tell me. What now?
Move on? Get over him? Get on with my life? Probably what I'll end up doing anyway. But right now, that seems far from easy. Even with all of our differences, I really did care about him.
