10:40 p.m. - 05.05.2003
drinking
why am i so sad?
so angry?
we went to a concert and i should have enjoyed myself.
but all i think about is how alone i am.
my ex, josh has a girlfriend.
dave has a girlfriend.
why doesn't anyone want me for a girlfriend?
i walk in.
twitch a little.
i'm oooooookay.
cold. but okay.
lookie lookie! there's a tent on my hand...
"sorry ma'am. we're going to have to search your hat. it's a little too big. we think you might be stashing some pot in there."
::they take off the hat::
"whoa! hello luddddaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!"
do you mind if i sit there?
oh. i only ask because if i don't sit there, then my back is to everyone.
if my back is to this big ass motherfucking room of people, i tend to get a little anxious.
a little paranoid.
and not a little bit kooky.
"what wrong?"
what do i say?
"oh, it's nothing! i'm just about to cry, perhaps have a panick attack. nothing you need worry about."
holding back tears is not something i wish to master.
i don't want to have tears that need to be held back.
i don't want to cry anymore.
i don't want to drink anymore.
stop drinking erica.
get over him erica.
you're better than this erica.
