12:05 p.m. - 05.07.2002
Hopes ceremoniously knocked down again.
He called me Sunday night, and we talked for about four hours. It was � nice.
Andre - that is.
On Monday after school he stayed after with me even though he was supposed to go to track practice. We just talked and walked around the school for like 2 hours.
I got the feeling that he liked me and that he wanted to do something. Though, he didn't. But I did manage to get a couple of hugs from him. =) After he hugged me the first time, his arms were still around me and our faces were like 2 inches apart. I totally thought he would kiss me. I mean, it was so perfect. But. No. (We stayed like that for a few more seconds, then I let go of him.)
He called me that night, and we talked for about seven hours. (I went to sleep @ 4am, I'm so tired today!!!) We talked about many things: sex, drugs, alcohol, college, sex, etc. And then somewhere buried inside of me, I found the courage to ask him out.
He said, "I don't know."
Translation: NO.
I'm sorry; I really am. But I've been overly confident in this whole Andre thing from the get-go. And if I don't start the pessimism thing now, when? He's really cute and funny, and I thought he really wanted to go out with me.
But I just can't do this anymore. I get my hopes up only to have them ceremoniously knocked back down.
It's a horrible cycle, I tell you. See a guy, project this huge future, ask him out, he says no, I cry and cry and reminisce about how I'm so alone. I'm usually not crying because of that particular guy, but because I'm so, so sick of rejection.
He's a lot like me; it's scary. And I'd like to start getting over this now. Before I spend even more sleepless nights crying and crying.
Damn it! You don't just talk to a girl on the phone until 4am if you don't like her!
