10:12 p.m. - 04.07.2002
Spring Break nearing its end while I try to near a better life.
Spring Break is at its end. It was fun, but as with everything, it must end.
I'm feeling like shit really. Like I've made these really poor decisions about things, and now I'm suffering for them. Like I am a person that could be better if I put my mind to it, but I'm too damn lazy to try.
Don't get me wrong; I love me. Well, most of the time. And quite frankly I am capable of being completely narcissistic and utterly vein. But I've had the last week off from school. And maybe I could have accomplished something. Or at least tried to. Even if it was something small. Like cleaning that hell hole I call my bedroom.
Or doing homework. Heh..
Seriously. I was thinking about me today. And ... how I should be doing something. Trying to accomplish something.
I don't know.
I look at my hobbies. Not the memorized list of things that I would like to do. But the things that I actually do. Sleep, watch t.v., go to school, go online. Never before have I felt so goddamn boring. I've got to get out more. And if that's not possible (which it probably isn't since my car was destroyed in January and my mother refuses to be my "chauffeur") then I should at least do something else.
The question is what to do. I'm already signed up to work on Asian-American cultural presentations for my school district. But we only meet once a week, and it's over after April. So, I've decided to learn sign language. I knew a little when I was younger because I had two deaf friends, Amy and Heidi. However, after I moved I never had any contact with them again. Nor have I been signing. Also, I'm starting to make art. I want to say that I'm painting, but it's really a mixed-media sort of thing. Acrylic paint, newspaper, magazines. I don't know ... it just relaxes me. And it's something active. Not passive, like the watching the tele.
Not a whole new Erica. Just slightly improving.
