3:43 p.m. - 02.15.2003
Another Relationship Over
It's over.
I hate to say it, but I'm glad that it is.
Too much drama. It got too difficult.
Last Wednesday. That's was the day it all started falling apart.
I'm not getting into major details here. But I think the main reason it didn't work is because he has a problem expressing his feelings.
If it's going to hurt me, but it's something I need to know, tell me now. I'd rather know sooner than later.
He just sat there. Clearly something was wrong. Did he tell me?
Nooooo.
I felt like I had to beat it out of him.
Just tell me the truth! I know I'm a sensitive and vulnerable person. But I'd rather hear the truth right then and there, than waiting weeks later to hear about from someone else.
I don't love him anymore. It hard to pinpoint the exact moment.
After Wednesday night, when I was angry, I said "I loved him," as if I didn't love him anymore. Then, after we sort of patched things up, I realized that I still did love him.
I was deluded. Too deluded to see what was going on.
He hadn't been honest with me. For weeks. He wanted to break up with me. Didn't even want to try talking to me; didn't even want to try working it out.
Even now, I still wonder if he ever really loved me.
So even though I kept saying it, because I so desperately wanted to make this work, I don't think I meant it. At least, not nearly as much as I used to.
But for a moment, I did really love him.
