3:55 a.m. - 09.23.2002
My friend Andrea made me cry tonight.
My friend Andrea made me cry tonight.
She puts herself down so much, and I hate it.
She's so beautiful, but she just doesn't know it. I tell her this. She then proceeds to tell me otherwise. Persistently. Encouraging me to join in, engage in all the supposed fun, ... making fun of my friend.
Andrea. You're my friend; I care about you.
And I was in a place at one point in my life when I put myself down all the time. Trouble was I didn't have any friends to tell me to stop. No one cared at all because no one knew. And what's worse is that there were many other people who were putting me down as well. It hurt. It hurt so bad. I would look in the mirror and think of all the horrible things people said about me, and think about how beautiful those girls are in magazines and stuff. I wanted to be someone else. I didn't want to be me. Just wanted to die. And go away.
My first semester in high school, I started making a few friends and started feeling pretty okay about myself. And by the end of my senior year, I had somehow grew some self-esteem. And, to be frank, at times I have too much.
I don't know if Andrea feels as bad as I did, because I don't know what she does or how she feels when she's alone. But I know I don't want to lose her. I don't want her feeling as bad as I did. I don't want her feeling bad at all.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
If you go back one entry, you can read part of the conversation we had.
