11:20 p.m. - 06.11.2002
Prelude to the Real World, I guess.
Things are over. Well, high school is only semi-over since I have to go to summer school.
I was so sad today in my last class, of my very last day of high school ... and it was one of my favorite classes too. Molly, Kevin, John, Phanavanh, Nalee, Kim, and me ... all just hangin' out. I'm going to miss it.
After school today I went to Julia's house with Andrea. We watched Margaret Cho's standup comedy thing. It was pretty funny, but Andrea had to get to work, so we left. I told her about my trip to the porn store, and she said that we might be able to go this weekend! =)
I don't know what it is exactly about Julia that makes me feel like shit, but it's something. Maybe it's the fact that she's so thin, but not too thin, and sexy, and everyone likes her. And what am I? I feel so boring, and dull around her. Like no one appreciates the deep involved, and real one-on-one conversations that I can offer ... anymore. They just like all the hype, all the drama. All of Julia.
Besides that, I'm doing okay for an unemployed 18 year-old who just got out of high school...
Damn. When I put it like that, I sound like a lazy bum. Hey! I'm not a bum! I may be lazy, but I ain't no bum!!! I know you were thinkin' it...
John and me might go see a movie tomorrow, but I don't know. He's been acting really weird lately. Like, we'll say that we should do something or get together, but he never calls the day of, or set it up or anything like that. I really like talking to him though, so he better call tomorrow. That punk. =) He's cute. Damn cute... But a punk nonetheless.
Molly like her b-day gift. She's such a good artist, so I got her a unique sketchbook. She said she liked it, but I gave her the gift receipt just in case.
It's official. I'm going to the GreenDay/Blink182 concert with Kelly and some other folks this weekend.
Terra is coming too.
Now, I don't know if you remember the whole Dre-and-Terra thing ... or if you even read it at all. But let me fill you in. I was with Dre. For a week. He dumped me, and less than a day later he was with Terra. Then, 3 days later she broke up with him. FUCK! I'm 18, and this shit sound like 3rd grade!
Anyway. Terra is, apparently from what I'm told, very shy around me because she thinks that I hate her. And rightfully so, since I kind of do. Well,... I dunno. It's not that I hate her. And when I'm talking to myself, and I refer to her "Terra-Bitch" just seems to somehow emerge from my lips. I don't know how.
I felt like everyone's personal slut. I felt like guys only called me when they wanted sex or head. And guys who talked to me at school could only like me as a friend. Felt like I had never had anything real with a guy. And with Dre, for a split second, it felt real. Even though it's not her fault, I can't help but harbor these feelings towards Terra. These resentful and angry feelings that just won't go away; no matter how nice she is. Because no matter what she does, my mind thinks "I had something real, then she came along..."
So, until summer school starts, which is next week, I'm going to try and get a job. Blockbuster is hiring, and so is the public storage place by my house. I already cleaned my room and my bathroom. I had to. If John comes over, that would be so embarrassing.
And I'll try to keep all of those "keep-in-touch" promises I made in people's yearbooks.
