9:39 p.m. - 06.06.2003
Pride Fest: Day One
Getting ready.
Looking good.
Going to Pride Fest.
Feeling nervous.
Feeling nauseous.
Yet excited.
Pull up.
Get out.
Go in.
Not too many people.
I can handle this.
This could be easy.
Too many people for me.
Getting freaked out.
I want to die.
Short of breath.
I want to cry.
Where the bathroom?
Can't find it.
Fuck it.
Walking and crying.
I give it another go.
Go back.
Let's try this again.
Julia says "It's boring. I'm going to volunteer."
What about me?
There can only be so many.
I stay anyway.
Hoping not get caught.
I need a cigarette.
Where are they Julia?
They're in my purse.
I reach down to get them.
Find that someone has grabbed my shoulders.
You can't be here.
Yeah, just let me get a cigarette.
Well, blah blah blah, blah blah, blah.
Frustrated.
Furious.
I walk out.
Someone come get me.
I thought I could handle it.
I could have.
With an ally.
I have social anxiety disorder. And I feel that people like me need special treatment. Seriously.
It was only like seven o'clock. But the only people who could be in that area of Pride Fest were the Project Q volunteers. Until 7:30. And Julia's bored, so she decides to volunteer. Did that really mean that I had to go for a wopping thirty minutes.
Fuck you bitch!
Get your fucking hands off of me!
At least let me get my fucking cigarette if you're going to kick me out.
Kick me out away from my only really ally here.
It's not fair. It's so not fair.
For all these fucking people, socializing and shit comes easy. I look around and everyone's hanging out with someone. Everyone's talking, everyone's comfortable. It's not so easy for me. What was so fucking wrong with staying?
And I swear to god, I fucking hate that cunt. I fucking hate her.
You made me want to die tonight.
But first I want you to die.
Fucking cunt rag.
You have no idea what it's like! So, before you go pushing people out, why don't you give them a hey, how ya doing, something.
Did you see me? Huh? Did you?
See me walking away crying.
Because I think that if I could have at least had my fucking cigarette, I could have made it without Julia for that 30 minutes or so.
I don't even want to go to Project Q, because I know I'm going to see that fucking cunt.
And give me back my fucking pictures.
