9:15 p.m. - 07.28.2002
Scared I Lost A Good Friend
I don't know what to feel or what to say or ... do.
Andrea is still pissed at me. I'm incredibly sorry. I don't know what to do though. Should I call her to apologize, so that she can actually hear me say it? I don't even know if she would talk to me right now.
I'm not saying that she had no right to get upset, because she did have the right. But I do feel that this is not something that should make you stop speaking to person. Neither is it something that should end a friendship.
I'm sorry. You don't know how sorry I am.
I don't hate Christine. But when I'm feeling excluded, I get a little upset and irrational. I said those things about her that I shouldn't have. Who knows? Maybe she felt like me: nervous and stuff. I don't know her. I haven't taken the time to get to know her. I'm sure she's a nice person. I mean, why else would Andrea be friends with her? So, I'm not in cahoots with Julia on hating Christine. And I'm more than willing to get to know her. That is if she's willing to reciprocate.
And I don't have a problem with every friend of Andrea's. I've only met like ... one. Christine. And I don't know her well enough yet to like her or not. I've met her sisters. I like them. They're good people.
Before this whole quarrel, Andrea was telling me about how she didn't like the term "best friend" because it carried so much responsibility with it. I was thinking about how I don't like the term either. Not because of the responsibility.
But it seems that the moment I even think of labeling someone I know as "my best friend," something happens. School ends, and they never call me during the summer. Like that *insert bad name here* Kelly. Or something else where we hardly ever talk. I was thinking about Andrea and how I started to really feel like she was a good friend. I think if I were having some kind of emotional breakdown, because I get those every now and then, I would call my good friend Andrea. I don't just have my emotional breakdowns in front of everyone, you see.
And then something like this happens.
More likely than not, I'm about to have some kind of nervous breakdown. Because I desperately want to fix this, and I don't know how. All I know is that I want my friend back.
I wish someone would just tell me how to do that. Please.
