12:08 a.m. - 09.20.2002
The initial pain may be over, but I'm still Wounded.
I've fallen in love with Avril Lavigne.
At first, I didn't like her at all. Mainly because my friend Andrea overplayed "Complicated" whenever we went anywhere in her car. But now I'm contemplating buying the album. I downloaded a few songs, and I like them all so far. Been looking for Avril Lavigne buddy icons, winamp skins, wallpaper, desktop themes, etc.
In other news...
I've been really skeptical lately about finding love on the internet. Even just chatting with guys, it just irks me now. A/S/L? Pic? Blah, blah, blah.
But I've been talking to this one guy, and I might go meet him this weekend. (He actually started calling me hun. How cute is that?) If my mom lets me use the car. I'm going to ask Andrea to come with me. I'm too nervous to go by myself.
I met two people from the internet in person. And both times I was incredibly nervous. Worried that I wouldn't be what they expected. Afraid of rejection.
On an episode of Sex & the City, Carrie's friend Stanford met someone from the internet or a personal ad or something like that. He was waiting on the street, and a man came up to him and said "Stanford?" He nodded. "Sorry. This isn't going to work." And the man just walked away.
Just walked away.
What if I drive all the way out to see this guy (he doesn't live in Milwaukee, like me) and I get there, and he says "Sorry, I thought you were prettier."
I was talking to asshole-Dre-who-only-wants-two-lesbians-for-a-girlfriend (that is his full name), and he told me that I'm too insecure.
Can you blame me?!
If you got made fun of the way that I did in middle school, you'd be damn insecure too! My own boyfriend denied that we were going out. Granted, it was only middle school. But it still hurts. And the pain from those wounds reverberates in my mind. Telling me over and over that everyone thinks I'm stupid. Everyone think I'm fat and ugly.
But maybe I'll meet him, and we'll fall in love, and we'll kiss, and it'll be nice, and we'll get married...
How's that for a run-on sentence?
I just hope that I don't have to drive home with tears in my eyes. I don't drive that well when I can see, let alone when my vision is compromised.
