4:23 p.m. - 05.21.2003
spilling open
how did i end up here?
that was all i could think.
my whole life
my whole empire
just came crashing down
penniless. loveless. hopeless.
where did i go wrong?
what one thing could i change that could have changed everything?
it's hard to say.
many mistakes were made.
and it's the mistakes that make you really want to kill yourself.
not the mistakes that are made by you doing something.
but the mistakes caused by you
not doing something.
not getting off your lazy ass.
not getting another job.
not graduating from high school.
i feel like such a failure
never before have i felt so low.
so worthless.
a friend of mine was just telling me to stay young as long as i can.
i simply laughed.
because i don't feel young.
i don't feel free.
stay young as long as you can...
i'm a hundred years old.
i have a car and car insurance and a phone bill.
all of which i cannot afford
due to my shitty job.
i think they all hate me anyway.
they probably talk about me behind my back.
they'll talk about anyone behind their backs.
fuckers.
there's only one question.
really.
so, what now?
i don't know what now!
i've got this half-assed plan, that's probably going to get fucked up.
correction:i'm probably going to fuck it up.
slee in late.
forget to call.
whatever.
erica's shitty plan:
there's a job expo on june 3rd.
and i'm going.
june 3rd is entirely too far away.
my phone, my car, and the insurance are all due before the end of this month.
so, i guess i just have to fucking pray that my shitty job has some shitty work in.
finish your fucking half-credit, you dumbass!
and that dumbass is well-deserved.
if i knew anyone else who only had a half-credit left of high school, and it took them a whole fucking year to get it done...
well, i'd call them a dumbass too.
i've started on it today, and almost have my 3-lesson-a-week maximum to send in.
tragic.
i'm sick of these fucking shift keys.
wanna buy me a new keyboard?
