08:49 p.m. - 2001-03-19
My Mother
The dynamic of my mother and my relationship is a very, very strange one. At times, I can dislike her so much that I'll say to myself "I hate her!" But, I know I don't really mean it. Although, I don't love her either. There's just too many things that she does to me to make me feel bad about myself that make me wonder why she says "I love you" to me at all (which is rare) if she doesn't act like she does. Actions speak louder than words, and her actions speak loud and clear. I don't want to say exactly what she's said to me to make me feel so horrible (because that would be WAY too embarrassing). You may be wondering why I even like my mother at this point. Well, there's another side to her: the NON-let's-make-fun-of-Erica-side of her. We're actually very similar, and often we finish each other's sentences. SOMETIMES, it's nice just to sit and talk to her. For the most part, she's an honest person who'll admit when she makes a mistake and I like that about her. This is the creepy bittersweet borderline-dysfunctional relationship I have with my mother. And you must keep in mind, it is just me and my mother. No brothers, no sisters, no father, no dog. =( In the end, after several hours of analysis on the topic, I reached a conclusion: I care about my mother because of the times when she does care about me, I'd cry if she died, I don't love her because of how bad she makes me feel sometimes, more often than not I dislike her...but she's got to punish me. How else am I going to learn?
