1:49 a.m. - 2001-04-20
My Father
My father. Well, I don't like the call him my father. I prefer to refer to him as "that guy who just happened to do it with my mom 16 years ago." My father left me when I was 3 years old. I don't remember him at all, so it's basically like I've never had a father. Notice that I say he left ME and not me and my mother. My parents were never married. They had broken up before I was conceived. My father, according to my mother, was jealous of guys who my mom was seeing, and so he got mad or whatever and stopped talking to her. And thus, stopped talking to me. His daughter. I receive child support checks from him. He also helps pay for some of my medical expenses, i.e. braces. But this he does not do willingly. If it was up to him, he wouldn't give me or my mother anything. I haven't seen him in 13 years. I haven't heard from him either. It's not like one of those father-daughter relationships where we pretend everything okay and he sends me birthday cards and Christmas cards, but doesn't really show up. No. It's not like that at all. ... a birthday card would have been nice. It's kinda funny too ... he lives very close to me, less than 10 minutes away. And I'm not one of those chicks who just HAS to know about her father and his past because she needs it to find out who she is or whatever... No. That's not me. I don't like to hate people, because I think it's bad karma. But if I were to hate anyone, he would definitely be a person that I hate. It's not just because he left. It's because he never came back, and he still doesn't even care. I don't know him, nor do I want to. If he ever came to me ... and wanted to "rehash the past" as they say, I would say no. Hell, that's an understatement. I would be outraged! "You abandon me for 13 fucking years just because you can't work through your crappy relationship problems with my mom! And now ... now, you want to see me and know me. Well, sorry buddy, you're a little too late. Thirteen years too late."
