11:53 a.m. - 06.19.2002
Martin
Listening to: "Gimme" by Jill Scott
WTF?
I have all of the messenger services: MSN, Yahoo!, AIM, and ICQ. And right now, I'm on every single one. But does anyone ever send me a message? Does anyone ever stop by to say howdy? Noooooo....
Anyway.
I met someone online that I really really like. I'm a bit skeptical about this though because it's kind of similar to something else that happened from an internet relationship.
It was four years ago. I starting talking to this one guy. He reminded me of me. We had a few things in common, but the thing that stood out the most (to me) was that we were both very lonely. He lived in California, and I never met him in person. But he called a few times. It seemed like the only reason we were "together" is because we were both so tired of being alone. He was 19 years old at the time. I mailed him a picture of me, and that was when he cut it off, I guess.
But I like Martin so much.
You know I'm 18 years old. I'm pretty damn naive. Even within the past week, I've done something so stupid that, at the time, seemed like a pretty good idea. So, then I start to think that my judgment is clouded; maybe I'm not thinking straight.
We talked on the phone for like 5 or 6 hours last night. It was really nice. He actually said "I'm falling for you." How sweet is that? He is twenty-five years old. That's a seven year difference. But I'm fine with it, and so is he. We're going out on Saturday, and I'm just so nervous. I'm sure it'll all be fine though.
I called John yesterday. We only talked for about 20 minutes. I get out of school @ noon, so he said that on Friday he might pick me up and we could go see a movie or something. I talked to Dre online yesterday too. I'm his friend, and I care about him. But chatting with him yesterday made me realize how dumb I was to be so obsessed with him. There are so many things about him that I just couldn't stand when I was with him. I was just so needy and vulnerable and desperate that I was blind. I don't mind these things about him now that we're friends, but I could never be in a relationship with him again. And now I can honestly say that I am over him.
Well, I gotta go folks. Martin should be calling me soon. =)
