4:32 p.m. - 09.24.2002
But oddly enough, there seems to be no one here.
I sure do feel on top of things today. I've updated my website, my designs (which was in dire need of updating), and my diary ... which you're reading now.
But anyhoo.
For some strange reason, right now I've never felt so alone. As far as boys go.
Mainly because I've been talking to so many guys lately. Albeit, some of them only want one thing from me, but I've been talking to them.
And I've yet to get any real lovin'!
I mean, I don't mean to be one of those high maintenance gals who needs constant attention twenty-four seven. But I would like some attention. Some affection. You don't have to shower me with gifts all the time, but one every now and then would be nice.
The killing part, really, is that I haven't seen any of these guys in person in the last ... couple of months or so.
I was going to go meet this guy, Brad from the internet. But that didn't really work out the way I had hoped.
For once, I want to meet a guy in person and then start to build a relationship.
Not that all the guys I've attempted to get involved with over the internet turned out to be complete and utter losers ... but some of them have.
And, well ... I'm going through something right now, and I feel like a really need someone to talk to. Someone's shoulder to cry on.
I don't need anyone to step in and act like my mother and tell me what I should have done. I know I made a mistake. Several mistakes, recently. But I've got my own mother, who is doing a damn good job of making sure I realize the fat-ass mistakes I've been making. (Which really only encourages me to make more. It's all one big complicated mess.) So don't sit there and lecture me about the cell phone cover I bought for way too much money. Don't sit there and tell me to stop spending the little money I have left, when that's the only thing that's keeping me happy ... that's keeping me from doing harm to myself.
Just be there for me.
But oddly enough, there seems to be no one here.
