7:02 a.m. - 05.16.2002
I just miss him.
He broke up with me. I mean, yeah. Yeah. That's what happened.
I feel so stupid now. I thought everything was fine. I even thought that things were going great. But much to my surprise, he didn't agree.
I heard in the morning yesterday from Carrie that he said that we broke up. I heard from John that my boyfriend doesn't even know my name...
By this time, I'm pissed. I'm thinking that he wanted to break up with me, and he didn't even tell me first. He tells other people first. I was actually more sad than pissed, obviously. Because I cried...
I talked to him for like a minute in the IMC about us, and he just like totally blew me off. That's when I retired to my usual crying location. That site has been the location of so many past little deaths.
I cried.
I know, I know. You're probably thinking that it's only been a week. Or that no man is worth my tears, and the only one who is would never make me cry. Or something along those lines. But I couldn't help it. I really liked this guy. I still like this guy.
We talked on the phone. That's when I got the speech. Actually, it wasn't really a speech. He didn't just spit it out, which was really confusing. I'm there, on the verge of crying, trying to figure out why he's doing this to me. Why another guy doesn't like... And he kept laughing at everything I said. I would say something like "I want to be with you." And he'd laugh. Like it's just, oh, so funny.
He said that he thought that I was embarrassed to be with him. Yeah, remember the whole thing that happened. And how I said I was sorry, and I thought that was the end of it.
Well, it wasn't. He was still mad at me for that. He also thinks that I like another guy named Joe. That's a long story, but to be succinct - There is no Joe.
The reason that I said no that first time. Is because the last guy I was with was embarrassed to be with me. Tremain went to my school, and people would keep coming up to him, asking about us. And he would deny it. Why I stayed with him is beyond me. I'm just crazy that way. But he told me what people said about him. "The boy with the beast."
I mean, seriously. What is that?
Do you know how many days and nights I've cried because he told me that stupid comment? Do you know how much I resent him for even telling me that?
I'm sorry if I assumed that Andre was like that. Because it's obvious now that he's not. I'm sorry if my previous trysts have left me pessimistic and jaded. I'm sorry that he never talked to me earlier to tell me that anything was even bothering him. And I'm sorry that I hurt his feelings, though that was never my intention.
I just miss him.
